September 16, 2013

I'm Suspicious of Chinese Vampires

I saw a news story on Yahoo this morning about a Chinese hospital wanting virgin female blood for research.

Quote from the news story:
"A Chinese hospital's request for blood from healthy female virgins for use in medical research has been condemned as insulting to women, state-run media reported Monday.
The Peking University Cancer Hospital said it needed the blood of 100 female virgins aged from 18 to 24 years old for studies on the human papilloma virus (HPV), which is usually transmitted through sexual contact, the China Daily reported."
So I read this and got all conspiracy theory and was like "what if that really isn't what the blood is for? Who requests the blood of young female virgins?! Wait... Vampires!" I mean, what would be the best way for vampires to get a certain type of blood? They can just fake "medical research" and have an in!

And speaking of vampires, I hope they look more like Jonathan Rhys Myers Dracula than Johnny Depp or 30 Days of Night vampires because 1) he's hot & 2) the others are creepy. But no Twilight vampires because they're all sparkly and weird. If I can't kill you with sunlight or a chunk of wood to the heart then you go against the vampire rules and should not exist you sparkly freak of nature! Whoa... sorry about that. I also get upset about fast zombies.

I was terrified by 30 Days of Night... nope nope nope nope
nope nope nope too scary I am crying!

So now I'm going to be questioning the motives of places that collects blood for any reason. Hello "blood research facility", are you using my blood for science or "science"? Because if you're using it for "science" I want to meet them so I know how afraid I should be and stuff. China got a bit too risky requesting virgin blood and gave themselves away. Everybody that has read any kind of vampire novel knows virgin blood tastes better or whatever because they believe in the myth that only virgin blood is "clean" blood. What a bunch of snobby vamps.

But of course U.S. vamps would buy from China because that's where most of our goods come from anyway. Why would blood be any different? Besides, we eat way too much fast food in this country. For example, I would probably have a slightly McDonald's flavor with a hint of Taco Bell. You don't want any of this, vampires. Plus I'm married so my virgin flavoring is all gone.

I'm still wondering how I went from possible Chinese vampires to convincing said vampires I would taste gross.... oh well. Happy Monday!

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