March 13, 2013

Losing Someone Sucks

Death is kind of a bastard.

My Grandpa passed away last night. I was stunned when I got the news. The man has been fighting for so long that I almost expected him to keep fighting. And that thought makes me feel selfish. And of course I automatically thought of how I should have called more and visited more often. This seems to be typical when you lose someone... you start thinking about what you missed or what you didn't do enough of.

The thing is there is nothing to say. I hate the cliche of "they're in a better place" or crap like that. Nobody wants to hear that when someone they love is gone. All we can do is take what we learned from that person and apply it to our lives. They wouldn't want us to stop living because they're gone.

But I'm still irrationally angry and I can't help it. Why do I have to go to work and go to appointments and live my life when a person I loved is gone? Also, when going through everyday stuff when people ask "How are you?" to be nice, I have to reply with the standard "good" rather than the depressing response of oh, I'm just dying inside, thanks for asking. Because I have to be polite and not spread the awful feeling I'm having and make them feel awkward. Which makes me think I'm doing that to you instead by you reading this. But you can stop at any time so you've done this to yourself. Why are you still reading this?

What I have left are memories and stories that I can share with the people who also loved him. And those people are the only ones who know how I feel. And I'm thankful that they're there because it means we can lean on each other.

I love you grampy!

March 8, 2013

Distraction Leads to Accidental Cold Showers

I had an accidental cold shower this morning. How does one accidentally take a cold shower? Did you forget where the hot and cold knobs were? Well if you would calm your shit down and be patient I would tell you.... And don't be a smart ass.

So it went like this.

I got up to take a shower this morning as one does before work when I thought I would browse Pinterest on my phone while the water got hot. 10 minutes later I'm still standing there looking at pins when I snapped out of it.

Stop distracting me!
Before you get on my case for wasting water, I KNOW! I feel bad enough as it is. You don't have to be a dick about it.

So when I finally woke up from a pinterest nap the water had gotten cold. Not having time to wait because I had to get ready for work, I took the quickest shower of my life. I had to make myself stick my head under by saying "you've done this to yourself!"

Luckily my husband doesn't get up to take his shower until 30-45 minutes later or I would have had to explain why the water was the temperature of my heart.