July 25, 2013


I don't know why, but it seems like I transfer a lot of my insecurities on to other people. Not that I'm making them feel insecure, but I'm imagining them thinking things about me that are making me feel insecure. This is my messed up mind working here...

For example, I went to get lunch today and a guy in the restaurant was staring at me with a scowl on his face. At first I thought, "well that's weird" but then it turned in to "do I not look ok? Why would he be looking at me?" And even if he was staring and thinking bad things about me why would that even matter? I've never seen him before and will likely never see him again, so why was I putting the blame on myself?

In honor of Billy Madison

I think part of the reason is that I'm not the skinny young girl I used to be. When guys stared at me up until about 6 years or so ago, I felt good about myself. Now I start to squirm and get uncomfortable. I'm just glad I can remind myself what matters and I can work my way out of that kind of thought.

So to counteract the weird feeling I get when people look at me, I've decided I can do one thing: smile. This has benefits. 1) If they do think I'm cute and not a monster like I'm imagining, they might smile back and then I'll feel awesome. 2) If they are annoyed by me and I smile at them it might annoy them more. And that would be awesome. Because you don't know me, man!